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Free hug Jeremy

Updated: Jul 8, 2020

As is usually the case with small businesses, one must look to keep costs down anywhere possible without sacrificing the end product. In the case of Tune Trucks - how can we roll up and deliver the greatest sounds system the world has ever seen, packed into the, quite frankly outrageous, casing of a Land Rover Defender, and still keep costs down? Ben’s (Co-owner of Tune Trucks) answer to that is by booking accommodation that makes the Bates Motel look like a five-star luxury resort.

The Bates Motel; five-star luxury resort

On one such occasion, myself and Mike (other co-owner of Tune Trucks) were on a job and after a long day of Tunes, decided to go back to our accommodation that was booked by Ben. We were given the postcode of the private residence we were staying and started the drive there. On our way, we received a message saying:

Hi Guys, looking forward to meeting you! Your room is on the second floor and is the first door on the left as you come up the stairs. The key is under the plant pot. The house is usually full of friendly people so make yourself at home. If you see Jeremy, give him a free hug.

My first thoughts were, who is Jeremy? And why does he want a hug? And what type of people does this lady think we are, that we may try and charge for a hug? I’m not even good at hugs. If Tune Trucks was a business based solely on the premise of selling my hugs for a profit, we would have lasted about as long as a Jimmy Savile daycare.

The house looked normal enough from the outside, but inside it was very dark, probably because we couldn’t find the light switch, and was eerily quiet for a supposedly busy house. We made our way up to the room and closed the door behind us to find a mattress, not a bed, in the middle of the room, being lit by a single salt lamp. Of course, there’s a salt lamp. After putting our bags down, and reaffirming that the door was locked behind us, we looked out the window, into the garden, to see a man on a bench eating cereal, staring into a bush intensely. ‘Free hug Jeremy!’, we thought. Then we thought, ‘He looks nuts. Let’s stay well clear of him.’.

After a few more moments of remarking on how odd this place was and how much we hated Ben for making the booking, Mike went for a shower. Mike encountered three issues during this shower. The first being that the door didn’t close. No matter how much he tried, the door stayed open half an inch. The second issue was a complete lack of a shower curtain. The shower was simply a bath with a shower attachment on the tap. Most would have been deterred by such circumstances, but Mike being Mike, decided to shower anyway. After a few minutes of showering, Mike encountered the third issue. Through the half an inch gap in the door there was someone outside, and this mysterious figure was going nowhere. Mike cut the shower short and jumped out of the shower/bath while wrapping himself in his chastity towel, protecting himself from the naked gaze of the mysterious onlooker. With a towel safely secured around his waist, he pushed the door open the additional few inches to have a fully open door, to find nobody there.

Still to this day, we have no idea who was perving on Mike showering, but we can only assume it was a certain man looking for a free hug.

The point of this story is, Tune trucks will never cut costs where it matters, unless, of course, you think an employee having a safe, comfortable place to sleep after a long day’s work matters, then they’ll screw you over every time!

The glamorous life

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